The Gift of Being Yourself [Book Review]

[This article is part of a series of books we have reviewed over the years. Click the link to check out a ll the other books we’ve reviewed here.]

As a pastor, you constantly pour into others—offering guidance, shepherding souls, and serving your congregation with compassion. But in ministry, have you taken time to truly know yourself as God knows you? What does it mean to truly be a child of God and what God has made you to be? Dr. David G. Benner’s The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery is a profound and deeply biblical invitation to explore the intersection of self-awareness and spiritual formation.

Normally I dive right into this book for review, but I want to say up front that this book, while not long in it’s text or deliberately theologically polished, it has impacted my heart, my mind, and my soul more profoundly than most other books. I read it back when I started my Masters in Family Ministry at Winebrenner Theological Seminary as I was trying to grow within my ministry and most recently this month just to re-engage in it. And let me say, any effective insights I have into myself, I give at least some credit to this book. It will speak deeply to you.

On With The Review

Dr. Benner, a Christian psychologist and spiritual director, is one of the forefront speakings into spiritual direction with the unique clinical experience of his psychology doctorate. Drawing from Scripture, psychology, and Christian tradition, he explains that knowing God and knowing ourselves go hand in hand. Without an honest understanding of who we are—including our strengths, weaknesses, and deepest desires—we risk developing a distorted view of God and engaging in a superficial faith.

The Gift of Being Yourself is structured around the idea that self-discovery is not a selfish pursuit but a sacred calling and challenges readers to embrace their identity in Christ, moving beyond false selves shaped by fear, pride, or cultural expectations. Instead, he encourages pastors and believers alike to rest in the truth that their identity is ultimately found in being loved by God.

Some Christians base their identity on being a sinner. I think they have it wrong—or only half right. You are not simply a sinner; you are a deeply loved sinner. And there is all the difference in the world between the two.
Benner, 2015. p. 60.

Key Themes for Pastors

The Link Between Knowing God and Knowing Yourself
Many pastors prioritize theological study and ministry work while neglecting personal reflection. Benner emphasizes that self-knowledge is not opposed to spiritual formation—it is essential to it. Pastors who understand their motivations, struggles, and personality are better equipped to lead with authenticity and humility.
Overcoming the False Self
Ministry can often lead to performance-driven faith, where identity is rooted in achievements rather than God’s grace. Benner discusses how false selves are formed through fear and insecurity, urging pastors to let go of the masks they wear and instead embrace the freedom of being fully known and loved by God.
Identity Rooted in Christ’s Love
One of the most powerful takeaways from the book is the reminder that our truest identity is that we are beloved by God. Pastors, who often feel the weight of expectations, need to continually return to this foundational truth to avoid burnout and discouragement.
Spiritual Practices for Self-Discovery
The book provides practical ways to deepen self-awareness, such as prayer, silence, journaling, and spiritual direction. These disciplines help pastors discern God’s voice and align their lives with His calling.

Why This Book Matters to Pastors

The Gift of Being Yourself is a refreshing call for pastors to slow down and engage in honest self-reflection. By embracing their true selves in Christ, pastors can lead more effectively, love more deeply, and experience greater joy in their ministry. If you are a pastor struggling with identity, burnout, or simply seeking deeper intimacy with God, this book is a must-read. It offers wisdom, encouragement, and practical steps toward becoming the leader God has called you to be—not by striving harder, but by resting in His love.

Dr. Benner’s insights challenge pastors to move beyond surface-level spirituality and step into the freedom of authentic faith. If you are looking for a resource that will enrich both your personal walk with God and your ministry, The Gift of Being Yourself is a valuable addition to your library. I give it a 5 out of 5 stars as a must have for pastors and Christian counselors.