The title says it all, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.” This comment is one I use quite often with my clients who come in for services and struggle with suffering. It does not matter if the pain is something that they have caused because of their choices and their sins (we see this supported in Scripture in 1 Corinthians 11:30-32) or something that has happened to them because we live in a fallen world and other people’s sins affect us (also supported in Scripture in John 9:3; 2 Corinthians 12:8–9) But regardless if the pain is physical or emotional, it can be treated. (We recommend checking out our discussion on how Christians can treat pain and suffering in counseling here.)
Pain will happen. Everyone has experienced pain. It is inevitable. Suffering, though, is a choice.
A Brief Clinical Understanding Of Suffering
I recognize that this statement is one that can be controversial if not taken within context. There is a quote that is typically attributed to Viktor Frankl (though really cited by Alex Pattakos in Prisons of Our Thoughts with mention of Viktor) who was a Jewish, German, psychologist during the holocaust and wrote about his time in concentration camps in his famous Man’s Search for Meaning. If you have the stomach for it, it’s a short but extremely powerful read and will reshape how you view suffering. Here’s the quote:
Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
Pattakos, Alex. Prisoners of Our Thoughts. (n.d.). p. X.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
This short and deep quote is in some regards the essence of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with our thoughts and emotions within an uncontrollable situation that we cannot control that lead to our choices and behaviors. Within counseling, we have the ability to not impulsively react to this situation (you can substitute pain, grief, anger, trauma) and instead intentionally respond with purpose and meaning.
An example of this is a conversation I unfortunately have too often with victims of domestic violence who want to run away, shut down, are too stunned to act, or become angry. We cannot go back and fix anything, the past is in the past. But we can learn from our past for ourselves and to give our life meaning.
Within this context with Viktor, pain is the stimulus and if our choice is a reaction and we continue to experience that pain without meaning, we will continue to suffer. John Piper, renown Christian theologian, takes this idea and applies it to Scripture with Paul’s life in ministry:
Suffering’s not a detour. It’s part of the path, part of the calling.
Piper, John. “Your Suffering Is Not Meaningless.” https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/your-suffering-is-not-meaningless
He later goes on to state that pain is not wasted because for Paul, this is the toll he has to do for the glory of God. In our endurance of the pain, we can show God’s promises, glory, and grace.
Suffering Is Not Always Due To Direct Sin
As mentioned in the introduction paragraph, pain can be a result of our own actions, but may be due to what has happened to us. While our own sins of an affair may lead to divorce, substance misuse lead to an addiction, or criminal activity lead to prison time, sometimes life happens at us. Many people did not ask to be physically, emotionally, or sexually abused. Natural disasters are not attributed to a person’s individual sin but the devastation it can have on a community is boundless. Car accidents because of drunk driving are because of someone’s failure to drink and drive, but the victim did not do anything to experience the consequences.
Tony Reinke, a host for John Piper’s podcast, wrote an article for The Gospel Coalition with a great quote in relationship to King David’s and Job’s pain:
Whether or not we can tell that a certain sin has caused our suffering, we respond the same way. When suffering hits, evaluate and endure.
Reinke, Tony “Did My Sin Cause My Suffering?” https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/sin-cause-suffering/
Or as Viktor Frankl would state, pause to response instead of impulsively react. In doing so, we give meaning to why we choose what we do in those moments. As counselors, many individuals do not have the skills in those moments of pausing to give themselves meaning or these do not have the skills and capacity to even pause. So we have sessions with them to help them grow and find freedom.
Dealing With Pain Does Not Mean Removing It
While growth and freedom does occur, it does not mean that the pain goes away. Many people I have worked with wonder if because they are enduring the pain for the glory of God and being a witness, this will end in the pain being removed. This can happen, has happened, but as one of my small group members noted “sometimes that removal does happen because they get to be in heaven and a much better place. It wasn’t what I wanted, but my prayer was answered.” Tony notes “Redemption doesn’t end our suffering in this life.”
Instead, I will suggest that we need to bolster our theology of suffering. Here is a starting point from John Piper’s same work I listed above:
- “I’ll be with you to the end” (Matthew 28:20).
- “I’ll never leave you. I’ll never forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
- “I will work everything together for your good” (Romans 8:28).
- “I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you” (Isaiah 41:10).
- “In the Lord, none of your work is in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:58).
- “To live is Christ; to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).
- “To be away from the body is to be at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8).
As we continue with the pain and suffering of our lives in this world, remember that within it lies a purpose and design made specifically from God. In that purpose, something we may never come to understand, has the capacity to show grace and love to those who do not yet have salvation and can lead them to the everlasting truth and pace of Christ for ever and ever.
May we continue to live for that purpose, even in the midst of the toils and trials of this world, whether of our own making or not. May we be a light shining and may God have favor and mercy on us within His will.
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