When Your Marriage Is On The Rocks

Marriage is a beautiful celebration of when two lives come together in a holy covenant to each other before God, a symbol of Christ’s love for the Church. I remember sitting in numerous pews as my father who was a Baptist preacher would perform the ceremony. As I got older, I joined friends at their weddings and then our own children were invited to be ring bearers and a flower girl. Unfortunately, because of our sin filled world, we do not live in this beautify time every day of our marriage and for some it becomes a strain, to the point of contention and even divorce.

Relationship 9-1-1

This season, our church is doing a series titled Relationship 9-1-1 to discuss what conflict looks like for married couples, couples who are pursuing marriage in dating or engagement, and single people and how to rescue these relationships and ourselves. We will certainly be talking about the basics of a Christian marriage, importance of communication in marriage, and what repairing a relationship. The hope is that couples who are struggling will seek after God’s will and grow stronger, together.

The first step in healing a troubled marriage is acknowledging the reality of the struggles you face. It’s essential to understand that conflict, disappointment, and even disillusionment can be part of the journey. These feelings, though painful, do not necessarily mean that your marriage is beyond repair. Arguments and frustration, in and of themselves, are not a bad thing because we can find ourselves growing into stronger individuals and as a couple when they are addressed well. How we address them is important.

In Ephesians 4:2-3, Paul writes, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” This scripture reminds us that maintaining unity requires effort, patience, and a heart willing to bear with one another, even when the road is rough.

In times of marital distress, it’s easy to retreat into isolation, nursing wounds in silence. But this is when you need God the most—together. Prayer is a powerful tool in healing broken relationships. It realigns your hearts with God’s will and invites His presence into your marriage. Matthew 18:20 tells us, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Praying together, even when it feels difficult, invites God into your relationship. It also softens hearts, paving the way for reconciliation and understanding.

Finding The Root Cause

Every couple faces unique challenges, but common root issues often include poor communication, unmet expectations, infidelity, financial stress, and differing priorities. Identifying these root causes is crucial in addressing the core issues rather than just the symptoms. Yet, we sometimes focus on the symptoms (“You keep ignoring me,” “Quit being so rigid about our money,”) instead of the core issue underneath which can lead to us to misaligning and putting a Band-Aid on something that needs to be repaired.

As a therapist, I often guide couples through a process of self-reflection and open dialogue. This process is not about assigning blame but about understanding each other’s perspectives. James 1:19 advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Practicing this kind of active listening can lead to breakthroughs in understanding.

Prepare & Enrich, the Christian marriage assessment we most recommend, has a couple of articles that talk about some unintended issues that lead into problems later on. Here are some of the items they have found to be sources of the contention:

• Neglecting boundaries
• Selfishness
• Putting your marriage last
• Living for “eventually”
• Letting communication fall by the wayside
• Falling into a rut through apathy towards your relationship
• Not making marriage a priority
• Taking times of transition as “the new normal”

Calling 9-1-1 On Your Marriage

Not everything is an emergency and so you may simply want to take more intentional time to improve your marriage. In fact, we hope you find ways when things are going “okay” that you can enrich your marriage. But when things are at a point of crisis and deep work is needed, there are specific areas to focus on.

Forgiveness and Grace

One of the most challenging aspects of marital healing is the act of forgiveness. Hurt and betrayal can leave deep wounds, but as Christians, we are called to forgive as we have been forgiven (Colossians 3:13). This doesn’t mean ignoring the hurt or pretending that everything is okay. Rather, it’s about releasing the hold that anger and resentment have on your heart, allowing God to bring healing.

Forgiveness is a journey, not a one-time event. It may require professional guidance, time, and continued prayer. But with God’s grace, it is possible.

Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust after it has been broken is a daunting task. Trust is foundational to any relationship, and when it is shattered, it takes time and effort to rebuild. This process requires honesty, transparency, and a commitment to change.

In Proverbs 3:5-6, we are reminded to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Trusting in God’s guidance as you rebuild trust with your spouse can lead to a stronger, more resilient marriage.

Professional Help

There is no shame in seeking help when your marriage is struggling. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Christian counseling provides a safe space to explore the issues in your marriage, guided by biblical principles.

A licensed counselor can help you navigate the complexities of your relationship, offering tools and strategies to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your bond. Therapy is not a sign of failure; it’s a step toward healing and restoration.

Moving Forward with Hope

Whether your marriage is in the process of healing or you are navigating the painful road of separation, there is hope. God is a God of restoration, and He is able to bring beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

If your marriage is on the rocks, don’t give up. Seek God, seek wise counsel, and take proactive steps toward healing. Remember that you are not alone; God is with you, and He desires to bring peace and restoration to your heart and your home.