If you didn’t know, there was a study on if you wear socks while having sex, you are more likely to have an orgasm. There is great scientific thought behind this idea. Gert Holstege, M.D., Ph.D., chairman of the center for uroneurology at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands where the initial study was done states, “In order to calm the amygdala and prefrontal cortex—the brain areas responsible for anxiety, fear, and danger signals—you need to be in a pleasant environment in which you feel safe, secure, and comfortable.” Warm feet from warm socks help a lot.
But the image of wearing socks during sex has also obtained a meaning of “boring,” “have to,” or “it’s my duty.” So people begin to talk about spicing up the sex life in marriage. But for Christians, spicing up a sex life would be bad, right?
It gets a little more complicated when Paul writes to the Corinthians who have put self and family before God. Paul is well known in the 21st century for being the original Joshua Harris when it comes to marriage and sex. He states in 1 Corinthians 9:5:
If I have contentment through faith in God’s promises, why should I seek sexual gratification?
So should we not seek sexual gratification? Should we not find ways to improve romance and love for one another?
Gratification Through God
The last two questions, I could not answer any better than how John Piper does, so I’ll let him share:
If gratification of that desire is denied through singleness, then that denial will be compensated for by an abundant portion of God’s help and fellowship through faith.
…if gratification is not denied us but offered to us in marriage, we will seek it and enjoy it only in ways that reflect our faith. To put it another way, while the contentment of faith does not put an end to our hunger, weariness, or sexual appetite, it does transform the way we go about satisfying those desires.
Sex Is Good, Sin Is Not
The reality to the question we are answering about spicing up a sex life is that it is an easy question because it really has nothing to do with sex. Sex is a good thing, it is God-honoring. All of Song of Solomon points to this. Sin is not good because we are doing what is not what is within God’s will, without faith in God, and against God’s commands.
Having sex more frequently, going to a marriage counselor for better communicating about sex, and talking about sex during sex can all be God-honoring. Incest, affairs, swinging, sex before marriage, and pornography are not God-honoring and therefore sin.
When you move to the more difficult conversations about sex like is it wrong to insist your partner to have sex, you stop talking about sex and simply start talking about sin. Insisting a partner to have sex in the form of manipulation is wrong because true manipulation is sinful. Insisting because you want to connect to them and they have forgotten physical touch is your love language is God-honoring.
Could it be that easy or are we oversimplifying it?